We Don't Need To Be Victims

The other day a friend (we'll call her Beth) asked me to help her work through a problem. Someone she really didn't want to see kept calling her, asking to get together. Beth had been using excuses or not answering the phone to avoid meeting. Her complaint was that she just wished the person would stop calling and sending emails. She wanted her caller to change so she could be happy. For her the problem was "out there" in the form of the woman calling. But problems are never out there, they're always "in here", in our own faulty beliefs.

With some questioning Beth was able to see that she wasn't a victim unless she chose to be. She realized that all she had to do was to see reality. In this case reality is that the caller is who she is. Without getting angry at her and wishing she would change Beth could just tell the caller that she didn't want to see her. She decided she'd simply tell the truth: that they had different personalities and it wouldn't work for her to spend time together. She could only do this when she also became clear that what the other person felt about her response was not her responsibility. She'd been worried about hurting her caller.

When we realize that Life is just what it is, living is simple. We don't fault a yellow rose because it isn't red. And there's no need to fault a person for being who they are. They don't have to change for us to be happy. We can simply let them be as they are and move away from those that aren't a fit for us.

Posted via email from A Happy, Peaceful Life - Your Choice